Class Two: Writing - Eliminate Passive Voice

Writing Step One: Eliminate Passive Voice or....Passive Voice was ruthlessly eliminated.

The number one best tip to make your writing direct and fresh is to ruthlessly eliminate phrases written in the passive voice with few exceptions.  Those exceptions should be deliberate and justifiable.  

Passive Voice occurs in a sentence when the emphasis of the sentence is upon the recipient of the action - rather than the actor.  The easiest way to locate and remove passive voice is to search for “to be” verbs such as: are; is; have been; were; and was.  Anytime those word precede another verb - you are looking at passive voice.  Remove those words and you have an active sentence.

EXAMPLE:

Jim was shot by Bob. (Passive Voice) 

CHANGE TO

Bob shot Jim.  (Active Voice)

There are three reasons to use passive:

1. When it is more important to draw our attention away from the actor and to the person or thing acted upon.  This may because we do not the identity of the actor, or wish not put the focus there.  The phrase “mistakes were made” is now legion in politics.  On January 27, 1987, U.S. President Ronald Reagan used the phrase in the State of the Union Address while discussing contacts with Iran in what came to be known as the arms-for-hostages scandal within the Iran-Contra affair. He said, in part: “And certainly it was not wrong to try to secure freedom for our citizens held in barbaric captivity. But we did not achieve what we wished, and serious mistakes were made in trying to do so. We will get to the bottom of this, and I will take whatever action is called for.”
2. When the actor in the situation is not important: The meteor shower can be observed after two a.m..
3. Writing in scientific or technical writing or lab reports, where the process or principle is the main point of the writing.  
4. In other words, use passive voice rarely and deliberately.

PROOF READING PRACTICE:

Rewrite the following sentences and paragraphs by eliminating passive voice.  Be prepared to go over this in class:

1. The tall woman in her thirties was immediately visible to him.   She was standing to the side with her older brother Steven.   She was saying goodbye. 

EXAMPLE REWRITE:  He immediately saw a woman in her thirties saying goodbye to her older brother Steven standing next to her.

• Things outside the Valley were getting worse, not better.  The Federal Government had cancelled most air travel and imposed quarantine measures at the ports.  Merchant Marine vessels were anchored off shore for at least two weeks to ensure they are Influenza Free.

EXAMPLE REWRITE:  Things outside the valley were worse, not better.  The Federal Government cancelled most air travel and imposed quarantine measures at the ports.  Merchant Marine vessels anchored off shore for two weeks to ensure they were influenza free.

• As they descended, sweaters and coats were stowed away.

• Monica and Michael got out of the jeep that Sheriff Dove was driving to look inside.